Unintentional Eavesdrop
by TheMuseumOfJeanette
Summary: While Nnoitra is heading to his room he stumbles upon a disturbing conversation, whom he recognizes as Nel and Gin's voices. And no matter how suggestive the conversation gets he can't seem to bring himself to turn away. Poor Nnoitra is in for a surprise.


**No I'm not dead guys; I've just had life down my throat. It's good to escape from it though, and Fanfiction dot net is my little panic room.**

**Unintentional Eavesdrop**

* * *

Nnoitra stuffed his hands in his pocket and dragged his feet back towards Las Noches. It was just one of those lazy days. He'd thought exterminating some hollows would alleviate some of his boredom, but alas it was not meant to be. None of them lived up to expectation and he'd disposed of them in seconds.

He inwardly relished at the tower coming into view. The thought of crashing on his bed had him speeding up. Upon entering the hallway he encountered the primera espada.

"Yo," Starrk greeted lazily.

"Yo," he returned the greeting just as lazy.

The two espada apparently had the same destination in mind: their rooms.

Nnoitra paused as he reached the dining area. Perhaps he ought to get some food in before calling it a day.

Starrk paused when he noticed the other had stopped abruptly and cast a glance in his direction. He shrugged and made his way to his room leaving the quinto espada to do whatever he wanted.

Nnoitra was about to enter the kitchen area when a voice by the hallway spoke up.

_"So is it your first time?"_

_"More or less."_

Nnoitra froze in his tracks. He quickly ducked by the corner and pressed himself against it to further conceal himself. He recognized those voices clearly. It was Gin and the person he despised the most: Nelliel.

_"Well, I have never done this Gin. I'm completely inexperienced when it comes to these things."_

Nnoitra inwardly scoffed. He figured as much. He edged just a bit closer to the corner where he was.

_"So I suppose that's why ya' have gone n' searched for me, right Nelliel?"_

_"Sorry to bother you with this but you're the only expert on this."_

Nnoitra had to resist his laugh threatening to escape the confines of his body. Surely she wasn't serious. A part of him was telling him this conversation was stupid and he should go and take a nap, but another part was telling him to use this as potential blackmail. The thoughts collided and soon cancelled each other out.

Against his better judgment he shuffled just a bit closer to the wall.

_"Aah, Nelliel you flatter me but I'm not that great. To be honest I'm still perfectin' my own expertise."_

_"Well I freed up my schedule. I'm free pretty much every day, that is, if I can avoid Nnoitra. Is that okay with you? We can meet up and practice together so that we can perfect it."_

_"Sounds good. We need all the practice we can get if we're gonna be joinin' the professionals."_

Nnoitra raised a brow before grinning mischievously. Oh yes, he was definitely going to store this as ammo for later.

"The hell are you doing?"

Nnoitra almost jumped out of his spot as the blue haired espada nearly gave him something similar to what humans called a heart attack.

"Shut your ass up idiot!" Nnoitra growled in a semi-whisper tone.

Grimmjow frowned. "I only asked a question dipshit. You don't need—"

Nnoitra clamped a hand to his mouth and motioned the corner. "Check this out."

_"Um... Gin? What if we make a mistake? I'm not familiar with doing something like this with other people."_

_"It won't be too hard. Besides, practice makes perfect don'tcha agree? And we can always ask for help if it gets to difficult."_

_"Maybe Lord Aizen can help."_

_"Who knows, eh Nelliel?"_

Grimmjow's eyes widened. "Is that who I think it is? How's long has this been going on?"

"Ssshh, I'm trying to hear."

"Hear what?" Ulquiorra asked as he approached them.

"Quiet," Grimmjow whispered before beckoning him to where they stood. "Take a load of this."

_"I don't think I can do it. I don't think I'm ready. I might screw it up."_

_"It'll be fine. We'll do it together, nice and slow."_

_"You think I'll do okay?"_

_"You'll do great Nelliel, I know it."_

Ulquiorra blinked twice before turning away and walking down the direction he'd come from.

"The poor guy couldn't handle it." Grimmjow joked.

"He probably should join the club and take it 'nice and slow'." Nnoitra added.

At that the two espada did everything in their power not to laugh that very moment.

"Alright, alright, let's keep listening. We already missed so much." Grimmjow murmured

_"Thanks again for doing this with me Gin. I didn't think anybody would actually agree."_

_"Really? Oh, I'm sure a lotta' other people would kill for the chance to do it, especially with a nice espada like ya'."_

"Doesn't it bother you?" Grimmjow asked.

"What?" Nnoitra replied slightly annoyed by the constant interruptions.

"Well isn't Nelliel your woman or something?"

"Where the fuck did you get that idea from?" Nnoitra retorted resisting the urge to blast a cero into him. "I can't stand her one bit."

"Whatever you say," he shrugged not fully convinced but dropping it to return to the task at hand.

_"By the way Nelliel, why did ya' ask me? Ya' easily could've asked one of the other arrancar, or had ya' already asked and got rejected?"_

_"Nope, you're the first; and I'm glad I asked you first, because now that I think about it, you're the only one I wanna do it with."_

_"There ya' go flattering me again."_

Nnoitra paused."Hey Grimmjow, didn't Gin already have a lady back in the Crap Society?"

"Now that you mention it... yeah, I could've sworn he did. This probably means he isn't as innocent as he's claiming to be."

"So then... that means he's sorta stringing Nelliel along, right?"

Grimmjow smirked. "And? Did that touch a nerve?"

Nnoitra frowned. "You're like two seconds away from getting blasted into bits."

_"I'm looking forward to this Gin!" Nel said with a childlike giddiness. "Wait till Dondochakka and Pesche see how much of an expert I turn out to be. How fun would it be if the course could be held in my room?_

_Gin chuckled. "As I recall things get messy during the procedures so I might have to tear your carpet."_

Grimmjow pulled at his collar. "Ooookay, getting a bit too graphic now."

"No shit," Nnoitra agreed with a nod.

"I'm kinda creeped out by how casual they're simply talking about it."

"Tell me about it."

_"The kitchen is full of all the supplies we need. Ya' gonna want icing on yours Nelliel?"_

_"Sure, but can we use the whipped cream as well?"_

_"I don't see why not; ya' know there's also sprinkles too."_

Nnoitra and Grimmjow's jaw dropped. This no longer sounded like two inexperienced individuals.

_"I love sprinkles! Say, tell me Gin, which do you prefer?"_

_"Aah, hmm? Hard to say; I'd have to try it wit' the goods."_

_"It looks like we're going to have a lot of experimenting to do."_

The two espada didn't know how much more they could take. They simply couldn't believe how dirty those two actually were.

_"I actually have some magazines with me." Nel said as she held them up. "Have a look."_

Nnoitra felt the heat rush to his face at the comment. He'd never been this freaked out in his entire life. Who was this woman? He didn't know anymore.

_"Wow these are perfect! We can try all of these methods out."_

_"I especially like this one," Nel added as she pointed to a specific page that the eavesdroppers failed to see. "What do you think?"_

_"I say we do it."_

_"I'm glad to hear that."_

By now the eavesdroppers were terrified of the fact that soon those two would be performing it in front of them. Neither Grimmjow nor Nnoitra put it pass those two, how could they? They'd just witnessed how inhumane those two truly were and it seriously unnerved them.

_"It'll be so much fun. I can't wait. Learning how to do it is not something I would have ever thought of doing, especially with you. You're really amazing Gin."_

_"I'm excited to do it wit' someone I know so well. Had I'd done it wit' another person here it'd be pretty awkward."_

_"Totally, and it's a lifelong lesson so it's all worth it."_

The poor quinto and sexta espada hadn't noticed that the voices got louder. They were too preoccupied with being mentally scarred.

_"You know if Nnoitra weren't such a jerk I'd of invited him and maybe even rewarded him with a treat."_

Poor Nnoitra had apparently gone catatonic. Grimmjow stood adjacent to him in the same zombified state. The voices were at their loudest now yet they remained unaware and rooted to the ground.

"Maybe once we do it perfectly we can ask Nnoitra and Grimmjow if they wanna learn." Gin said, now standing next to the aforementioned two.

Nel smirked. "It looks like they're real interested, seeing as how they've been listening in on us since the beginning of our talk."

The culprits looked up with expressions resembling a deer caught in the headlights. Nel and Gin stood before them, arms crossing their chests.

Gin smirked smugly. "It's too bad Grimmjow and Nnoitra'd probably blow up the kitchen the first time they attempt to do some _baking_."

"Wanna bet!" Grimmjow snapped.

"I'd bake circles over your ass!" Nnoitra barked in defense.

Their eyes suddenly enlarged with realization.

"Wait a minute. You guys were talking about baking?!" The two shouted in unison.

Nel furrowed her brows in confusion. "Of course we were talking about baking. What else could we be talking about?" She turned to Gin, who shook his shoulders, then turned back to face them.

Nnoitra's eyes went downwards to where the magazine laid comfortably in her arm. He frowned in disbelief and snatched it away from her then, without even looking, he flipped it open to a random page and dangled it accusingly in her face. "Yeah right! What's this?"

"Cupcakes." She answered.

"Cupcakes?" He repeated before finally eyeing the contents. The pages were decorated with several pictures of sweets and the necessary recipes needed to create them.

And suddenly he felt like the stupidest person in the world. "Oh... erm, right, I knew that."

Finally Grimmjow seemed to find his vocal chords. "Well will you look at the time, gotta go. I got shits to destroy and shits to kill, later." He quickly dashed away but not before shouting to save him some cupcakes.

Gin chuckled and headed for the kitchen. "I'll go n' start us up Nelliel."

"Sure thing," Nelliel called out before turning to a still embarrassed Nnoitra. "So, do you want to help me and Gin with the baking?"

He finally regained his composure and crossed his arms. "Like hell! An espada like me would never waste his time with such a ridiculous task."

Nel shrugged. "Suit yourself then."

**... ... …. …. ... ... ... …. …. ... ... ... ….**

"Whoa! This shit tastes great!" Yammy said as he devoured the entire cupcake in one bite.

"I must say, I'm impressed woman." Barragan added as he ate his in a much humane manner.

Zommari and Ulquiorra ate theirs in a peaceful silence.

"They're quite the tasty treats." Szayel chimed in from his seat.

"No kidding." Starrk joined from his seat.

"I can't take all the credit," Nel replied. "Gin helped me out."

"They're really delectable." Aizen stated. "I shall make it routine to eat these with our tea during our meetings."

"He'll yeah!" Yammy cheered.

Nnoitra scoffed and rolled his eyes. He turned to Grimmjow who practically had his face buried in his own plate of cupcakes. "You make me sick."

"Like I care," he replied before swallowing the dessert and turning to face him. "What's up your ass huh? Why aren't you eating?"

Nnoitra huffed. "Like I'd ever eat anything from _her_."

"Oh well, you're missing out spoon head."

Nnoitra would never in his life admit that the cupcakes did look tempting.

Later that day in the middle of the night he awoke to sounds drumming against the floor. His eyes opened just in time to catch a small glimpse of green exiting his room. Initially he was about to give chase but through the corner of his eyes he noticed something by his bedside bureau.

There next to his lamp was a plate with some cupcakes.

"Stupid Nelliel," he muttered as he reached out for one. "I don't need her stupid charity." He should have used the damn things as target practice, but one bite of the delicacies had the idea flying right out the window.

He was surprised when he noticed he'd devoured the entire treats. The others had been right. They were irritatingly tasty.

But that was something he'd _never_ admit to her.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I love cupcakes. Thanks for reading people; I hoped you enjoyed it :)**


End file.
